01.05.09 COMMENTS/WEEK: VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA

This week’s Comments of the Week winner gets Vicky Cristina Barcelona (watch the trailer here), Woody Allen’s well-reviewed comedy about a guy trying to choose between Penelope Cruz and Scarlett Johansson, on sale January 27th.  I’d bash it for being wholly unrealistic, but the guy is Javier Bardem.  Heck, I’d f-ck that guy.

As always, the way this works is, when a commenter makes a comment worthy of recognition, YOU nominate it by copy and pasting it in the comments section of this post.  I’LL pick the winner from among the nominees next Sunday/Monday. (Often, like today, the winner gets a prize).  FYI, the nomination thread is always linked in the ABOUT section.

On to the runners up!

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01.05.09 THE SPIRIT: FOR YOUR CONSHITERATION

See what I did there with the headline?  I put shit in it.

The most accurate assessment of The Spirit I’ve seen yet was from a Variety article about the premiere that dropped the line, “Producer Deborah Del Prete said director Frank Miller would rather draw than tell the actors what he wanted done on set.”  Today, this video’s been going around the blog-o-tubes.  It’s a “for your consideration” trailer for The Spirit, hoping you’ll consider it for the worst film of the year.  The video’s a nice little compilation of all the horrible reviews The Spirit got and a great watch if you like pictures and words.  Meanwhile, I photoshopped Schadenfreude Sloth into this picture of Frank Miller.  It’s been a hectic day, let me tell you.

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01.05.09 HIGH KICK GIRL KICKS REAL HIGH

The awesomely title Japanese film High Kick Girl has a teaser trailer which you can watch below.  You’ll be watching it and she just stands there for a while and you’ll be all like, Dude, is she gonna high kick or what? And I don’t wanna spoil the suprise but you better believe she high kicks.

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01.05.09 ADAM SHANKMAN SHOULD BE HOMELESS

A lot of people don’t realize that Hairspray was a John Waters movie before it was a broadway show before it was a creepy John Travolta abortion. And although John Waters’ movies aren’t all masterpieces, they’re rarely boring.  Anyway, Waters wrote a treatment for a sequel (to the remake) that sounds kind of cool, but remake director Adam Shankman apparently has veto power.  And why not?  He knows lots about writing scripts.  He is after all a choreographer who directed The Pacifier.

“It’s crazy,” Shankman laughed. “[The treatment] is amazing, but it’s crazy. There are things in there that I was like ‘Can we do that?’ It’s real John Waters-y stuff, and it was more like a sequel to his movie than to our movie. Which I love, because then that becomes re-interpreted.” Shankman admitted that while Waters does indeed want squeaky-clean Zac Efron to take acid (“or something like that”), the director will likely yank out that controversial story detail before they go to script. “I think that’s probably part of the treatment that won’t get used. That’s the kind of stuff where you’re like: ‘Yeah, I don’t know if that’s going to work.’”

The director did say, however, that he’ll most likely keep John Travolta’s weight-loss storyline. “It has Edna getting hooked on diet pills,” he said of the parts he liked about Waters’ treatment, including a possible title. “Let’s put it this way: It’s called ‘Hairspray 2: White Lipstick.’ [That’s a] butch title. That’s what the treatment was called!” [MTV]

OMG, everything’s outrageous when you lack the capacity for creative thought! At first I read some crazy stuff in the treatment that was so crazy that I had to text John Waters OMG your crazy I wrote.  I mean some of the stuff was great, but I kept having to ask myself, ‘It’s good, but is it watered down and shitty enough to be a Shankman joint??  And then I’m like when do they get to the dancing LOL!’

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01.05.09 VIDEO OF ASIAN GUY DOING ASIAN STUFF

Since I know how much all you FilmDrunkards love watching a shirtless, muscular Asian guy with flowing feminine locks work out, check out this training video.  It comes from 87 Eleven, the stunt coordinating team behind Ninja Assassin, the Wachowski siblings-produced, James McTeigue (V for Vendetta)-directed action film coming out later this year.

During the training, Rain [star of Ninja Assassin and a Korean pop star] has lived on the restricted diet of only chicken breast and vegetables for 8 months, trained for 10 hr a day and achieved the incredible body with 0% body fat.

I’m not a doctor (I just play one with kids from the neighborhood), but I’m pretty sure only mummies have 0% body fat.  Maybe the synopsis was written in North Korea.  Anyway, the video reminds me of the guys I see at the gym who train sword and stick fighting and pitch it like it’s some kind of self-defense.  Ahh, I see you’re practicing the ancient martial art of carrying a giant f-cking weapon around with you all the time. I think I read about that in Sun Tzu.

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